


Forgiving and Forgetting

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-02
Updated: 2011-11-01
Packaged: 2018-09-06 17:07:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8761738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Surviving infidelity. (Please be sure to read the story notes.)





	1. Your Smile Cant Hide What You Feel Inside

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Jared is married to Genevieve, Jensen to Danneel. Please note that the warning for Jared/Other and Jensen/Other is because of their marriages.  
>  when I wrote the first part of this story I had intended to leave it at that. The first part is not a happy ending, but I felt it was hopeful. It is in Danneel's POV.  
> I wrote the second part soon after with Jensen's POV after healing and time has been able to do their work, and yes, Jared and Jensen are together. It is more sappy (because I needed it to be).  
> This is not meant to be a reflection on their real relationships. It is fiction.  
> Thank you to sandymg for all her encouragement. :)

  
Author's notes: Danneel's POV. Title comes from the song _Every Face Tells A Story_ by Olivia Newton John.

* * *

She isn’t stupid. It’s not very often that suspicions are unfounded, that there isn’t a basis for them. He’s pretty smart himself, there’s not really anything traceable to be found. She’s looked. Too many times. But she’s caught him in little lies, and sometimes he just doesn’t seem very happy here. With her. She supposes she could hire a private investigator, but she’d really rather not. She hopes that he’ll come clean when she confronts him.

 

Looking down at the ring, the one he’d slid onto her finger, the first impulse to hit her is to throw it. Preferably in his face. She knows she won’t though because she doesn’t want to let go of it yet. Stupid, she knows, but… It’s a beautiful setting and he looked so happy when he’d given it to her. She’s holding onto that as real and true, something to attach a good memory to.

 

Actually, there have been cracks in their relationship for a while now. He’ll get angry at nothing, yell and get pissy, and it’s just so out of character for him. He’ll make excuses not to go places with her. Not that they’ve ever been attached at the hip, but in the past he’s been more receptive. She kind of gave up caring if he went, it was easier just to stay home or go without him.

 

She’s already talked herself out of this dozens of times, months on end, keeping the mantra going that it’ll get better. It doesn’t. She’s starting to resent herself a little bit. She’s not the kind of woman that would take this being done to her!

 

Calling his cell, she’s not surprised that it goes to voice mail; he’s supposed to be working after all and as such wouldn’t be able to answer. But she already knows he’s not there. That had been her first call, was told he’d finished and been gone hours ago.

 

“Jensen, I need you to come home as soon as possible. It’s important.”

 

Danneel looks around the apartment and can’t settle her eyes on any one thing. It’s all so… _them_. The photos from their wedding, the honeymoon, and other trips they’ve taken together. The afghan folded onto the back of couch was made by Jensen’s mom. The turtle picture frame he’d bought her for her birthday. The tickets to the last concert they’d gone to stuck to the fridge with a magnet from their favorite Chinese place because they did late deliveries.

 

Does he even want to save it, this marriage?

 

She hates him a little bit for making her dissect their relationship – every laugh, every shared intimacy, even the arguments. Was he ever making love to her, or was he always picturing someone else? He’s a very good lover, one the best she’s ever had. Very attentive, very giving. She only ever faked it with him once, at the beginning of their relationship, but then she got bolder and he listened and remembered. Has she been a fool this whole time?

 

He calls her an hour later, breathless.

 

“Danni, what’s wrong? You okay?” He sounds genuinely concerned or maybe it’s just that he’s afraid he’s been caught. She can’t be sure of anything anymore.

 

“Not really, but it’ll wait until you get home.”

 

“Sweetheart, just tell me what’s wrong. Are you sick?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it over the phone. I just need you here.”

 

“Okay,” he says quietly. “I’ll see you in ten.”

 

She sits on the couch, but moves after only a few minutes. They watched a movie here together last night, not quite as snuggled up as they usually are. That’s what set the wheels in motion once again. Questioning, filling in the blanks, and not liking any of the answers.

 

She moves to the kitchen table wondering how she’s going to react to what he has to say. It’s always been a joke between her and her girlfriends that if any man cheated on them he would be castrated. Until you’re actually _in_ the situation, though, you really can’t say. She just wants the hurt to stop and causing Jensen pain may give her some sort of victory, but she knows it would only be fleeting.

 

He comes through the door looking rumpled and agitated, doesn’t even bother to empty his pockets like he normally does when he gets home. His keys and his phone, which had been his hands, now lay on the side table by the door.

 

He stands by her, his touch to her shoulder feather light. “What’s wrong, Danni?”

 

“Please tell me,” she looks up him and curses the tears she feels pricking her eyes.

 

“Tell you what?” he asks, crouching down, and now he’s looking up at her.

 

She can’t resist. She touches his hair and finds it damp and moves her hand away as if she’s been burned.

 

“I… I think you love me, Jensen, I’ve never doubted that.”

 

“Of course I do,” he says with conviction, grabs her hand, squeezes it tight.

 

“But I don’t think you’re in love with me any more. Maybe you never were.”

 

“Baby, I –”

 

She cuts him off, can’t stand to hear another endearment slip from his lips. “Don’t. Just tell the truth, Jensen. Say it!”

 

“I love you, Danneel. I swear I do.”

 

“You weren’t at work.”

 

“I was, just had to run an errand, and then I got your message.”

 

“Jensen, please,” she says, her throat constricting against the unshed tears making her voice sound funny, just another thing that hurts. “Why is your hair wet? Just tell me. Don’t make me say it.”

 

His hand drops along with his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

 

“Who?”

 

He shakes his head.

 

“Is it…” She has to take a deep breath, doesn’t know if she wants this confirmation or not. “Is it Jared?”

 

“Danni.” He sounds so tortured and he swipes his hand over his eyes, she wants to take him in her arms and comfort him. But she can’t. She won’t.

 

“Are you in love with him?”

 

“Don’t do this,” he begs, still looking at the floor.

 

Anger flares through her chest and she pushes away from him, stands up to stalk across the room. “Someone has to. How often do you want me to take second place?”

 

He finally pushes to his feet, looks at her, and she can see the tears falling and it twists her heart. “I’m sorry. I do love you, Danni.”

 

“But not enough. Not what you should have for your _wife_!”

 

He turns and punches the wall, leaving a dent and the anguished sound he makes causes her to jump. She’s not sure if he did it to distract his pain, but she wishes she could do it, too.

 

“I never wanted to hurt you.”

 

She lets a small bubble of hysterical laughter loose before she gets it under control. “The lease on the apartment is up in a few months. You can have it. I’ll go to my mother’s.”

 

“No, you should stay here. As long as you like, I’ll keep up with the rent.”

 

She bites her bottom lip hard, then harder still until she can taste blood. No, that pain isn’t enough to take away what’s already there. “I don’t want anything from you,” she says hoarsely, because now she sees that the only thing she’d ever wanted he isn’t free to give. It’s already gone to another.

 

He turns in a slow circle, looking round the apartment, like he’s searching yet not finding. “I’ll go to a hotel until you can get things settled with your mom.”

 

“No. I’m going to leave, Jensen. Tonight.”

 

“You planned this?” he asks, anger seeping into his voice.

 

“I didn’t plan anything. I just know I can’t stand the sight of you, our things, our life. Not right now.”

 

She goes to retrieve her purse and coat out of the hall closet and he comes to stand beside her. “Were you ever going to tell me?” she asks.

 

“It was supposed to stop.”

 

She blinks at him. “You were supposed to stop loving him?”

 

“Genevieve.”

 

She doesn’t know what that means. Jared married Genevieve before she and Jensen did. That was the deciding factor? “Does she know?”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Will he leave her?” she asks, not unkindly.

 

He closes his eyes and swallows. “Probably. Yes.”

 

“I don’t understand then? Were Gen and I… beards?”

 

“No!”

 

“Then… what?”

 

“I wouldn’t leave you.”

 

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Jensen, you’re not a martyr, for Christ’s sake, but you are a fucking idiot.”

 

The corner of his mouth tilts up a fraction and he looks at her through his lashes. Oh, that’s a practiced move that has always been able to worm its way into her heart no matter how mad she is at him. But not tonight. Maybe never again and the sadness of that truth is almost engulfing her.

 

“Why are you being so nice?” he asks.

 

“I want to hurt you, Jensen,” she says quietly, “so bad it scares me. What would that do but give me temporary relief? But we’re done. Don’t call me, don’t email, don’t text me.”

 

“Danni….”

 

“No, Jensen, because if you do, I’ll cave and I’ll come back, and then what, another year or two will go by? Wasted. Not anymore. If your heart belongs to him, give it to him wholly.”

 

She knows he’s a good man, knows he would have done anything rather than hurt her, so whatever is between him and Jared is big, and probably scary to both of them. She understands it in a way. People will be shocked to find out; they could lose a lot more than they gain if they don’t handle this right.

 

She wraps her arms around him, and his go round her and they cry, their bodies shaking, and he whispers ‘sorry’ over and over into her hair. It’s the hardest damn thing she’s ever had to do when she lets go and flees.

 

Once in her car she has another breakdown and wishes for a moment that this night had never happened, that she never confronted him. In the end she knows she’ll be glad, otherwise it would have only hurt worse. She imagines what it would’ve been like if they’d had kids and is thankful for the first time ever that they didn’t.

 

Drying her tears and blowing her nose, she digs her phone out of her purse. Her love for Jensen isn’t dead yet – she hopes someday it will be – so she scrolls through her contact list, hits the button. It’s the last thing she’ll do for him.

 

“Danni, hey,” Jared answers. “What’s up?”

 

He sounds like his normal self and she has to battle the tears away again. She loves Jared like a brother and can’t believe how difficult they’ve made this for her. Will she and Genevieve still be friends or will they both be too bitter to even contemplate talking to each other? Too afraid to think about what they’re husbands have been up to together.

 

“I’ve left Jensen.”

 

“Left him where?”

 

She huffs a little. God, are all men stupid or what? “I’ll be filing for a divorce as soon as I get settled at my mom’s. You should come over. To the apartment I mean,”

 

“Danni, whatever…”

 

“Don’t put off telling Genevieve. I won’t call her unless you wait. Let her have some peace, too.” She disconnects the call and feels a little better. Jensen would stay in the apartment, refusing to call Jared because of some fucked up self-flagellation. That would be just like him. Idiot!

 

“Okay,” she says to herself as she cranks the key in the ignition. “I’m gonna be fine.”

 

It doesn’t feel like it and she knows it won’t be for a while, but it’s already better than being stuffed into that apartment together, neither of them as happy as they should be. She also feels a little self-righteous for being the one with the guts to put an end to it. That’ll be good enough to get her through the night at least.


	2. An Element of Salavation

  
Author's notes: Jensen's POV.

* * *

The sheets weren’t as crisp as they were last night, but still felt good against his skin. Jensen stretched his arms above his head, flexed his feet and his toes, and couldn’t help the contented grunt that escaped. He turned his head quickly hoping he hadn’t disturbed Jared, but he was still asleep as evidenced by a soft snore. Jared didn’t think he snored, and not that he was a buzz saw or anything, but Jensen delighted in teasing the hell out of him whenever he got the chance.

 

He felt more than content. There weren’t any overtones of ‘oh shit, what’s waiting for us around the corner.’ For the first time in what felt like forever, he could fully relax. There was no rush to leave, no stealth maneuvers necessary for each of them to get home, to find their own beds. This was _their_ home. This was _their_ bed. It had taken a year and a half to get them here, but finally and at fucking last, they made it. Together. As it should have been from the very beginning, he could admit that now.

 

It had been stubborn pride, miscommunication, and even a crisis of faith that had torn them apart initially and into other relationships. Love that had truly never been broken brought them back together. But it had taken a lot of forgiveness, divorces for each of them, and even therapy, mostly on Jensen’s part, before he finally felt like it was right. He owed a lot to Danneel. She was really the one who had started them all on the road to redemption.

 

“It’s too early to be thinking.” Jared groaned beside him, throwing a heavy arm around Jensen’s waist and reeling him in.

 

“You’re right,” Jensen said, closing his eyes and breathing deeply, enjoying the moment, the feel of Jared slotting them together. The thoughts wouldn’t stop, however, and he found himself talking again before he’d meant to. “I’m gonna call Danni today.”

 

“Yeah?” Jared asked casually, his hand sliding up Jensen’s chest to cover his heart. “Want to tell her yourself, huh.”

 

Jensen smiled, grabbed hold of Jared’s hand and squeezed tight. No one knew him better than Jared. They hadn’t told their families they bought a house together, their friends either, it was something only for them – to savor together if only for a little while. Everyone knew it would happen eventually, just not quite this soon. They had finished moving all of their things in last night, put the brand new set of sheets on the bed before they made love, and fell asleep without worry that they had to get up before they fell asleep in order to be somewhere else.

 

“Besides you, I think she’s the strongest person I know,” Jensen said softly.

 

“Stronger than me,” Jared countered. “She’s…”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen agreed. There weren’t any words to really describe his ex-wife. She was the one who confronted him when he was cheating on her, she initiated the divorce, and she had sent Jared to him on the night she left. He owed her… everything.

 

“Go ahead and call her,” Jared prodded gently. “I’ll go let the kids out.”

 

“You don’t have to leave.”

 

“I know,” Jared said, unwinding his arm and dropping a soft kiss onto Jensen’s mouth. “Tell her I said hello.”

 

He watched as his lover rolled out of bed, pulled on some underwear followed by a pair of shorts. Jensen didn’t think he’d ever get tired of looking at Jared’s body. All that beauty and majestic power just for him and it never failed to give him a thrill in the pit of his stomach when he saw a claiming mark he’d made somewhere on Jared’s skin. That was something else they were allowed to do now. There weren’t any worries about who might see, or questions that couldn’t be answered. So much time had been wasted when they could’ve had this all along.

 

He wasn’t supposed to think like that anymore and for the most part he didn’t. He had a good life, was far luckier than a lot of folks, and he was very thankful and appreciative. There were just some days the knowledge hurt bone deep of the chaos he’d caused the people he loved. He wasn’t sure he wanted that to go away completely. He didn’t want to forget, didn’t want the potential to have all those good things taken away from him again, even temporarily, by his own doing. No, he wanted this life and he was going to fight to keep it. To keep Jared.

 

“See you downstairs,” Jared said, giving him a brief but brilliant smile before heading out the door, calling for Sadie and Harley. 

 

As Jensen got out of bed, he was treated to a cacophony of noise – Jared in turns praising and scolding his babies, their barks loud and enthusiastic as their paws skittered across the floor in their rush to get out the back door and into the sunshine. 

 

He spotted his jeans in the corner of the room where Jared had tossed them last night after he’d shoved Jenson onto the bed and taken – and given – great pleasure in divesting Jensen of each article of clothing. The memory of Jared’s mouth and tongue worshiping his body had his dick hardening. “Later,” he murmured to himself, knowing they had a full day of nothing planned, leaving it wide open for various activities, including vast quantities of sex.

 

After kicking into his jeans, he grabbed his cell phone off the nightstand and made his way to the kitchen. He looked across the living room, could see Jared and the dogs in the yard through the French doors, and watched them cavorting for a few moments before continuing on his quest to get some coffee started. After pouring the water into the brewer, he punched Danni’s speed dial into the phone, cradling it between his shoulder and ear as he measured out the grounds.

 

She was on the east coast filming for the next several weeks, so even though it was the weekend, she was probably awake. It was already mid-morning there and she liked to get up early, always afraid she was going to miss something if she didn’t. She’d take a nap in the afternoon if necessary, but sickness was usually the only thing that kept her in bed past seven o’clock.

 

“Good morning,” she answered cheerfully.

 

“Haven’t been up long enough to tell,” Jensen grumbled.

 

“Oh, stop it,” she said with a laugh. “You aren’t foolin’ anybody with that old routine.”

 

“No, never could get anything past you,” Jensen said, feeling a fresh flush of guilt burn through him.

 

“Jensen,” she admonished. “I thought we were past all this.”

 

He was still constantly amazed at how she could be so nice to him. He’d broken her heart, done the most devastating thing a husband could do to a wife, and still… she loved him. She wasn’t _in_ love with him any more, he knew that, and there had been a long time they hadn’t talked. But even from the beginning, she was good to him, and he never thought he deserved that.

 

“Jared and I moved into our house last night,” he blurted, and then huffed out a sigh of impatience at his own lack of control.

 

“You did?” she said with genuine excitement. “In Vancouver?”

 

“Yeah. Just better this way.” They had already talked about what would happen if this was the last season for the show, would probably end up selling, but it made the most sense for now.

 

“Of course it is,” she said softly. “More privacy.”

 

“Danni –” but then the words got stuck and wouldn’t come out.

 

“Jensen, please don’t. You know I only want you to be happy and it’s so clear to me that you are.”

 

“I’m sorry, Danneel.”

 

“I know you are, and it’s all done now, so let it go. Please.”

 

“Sometimes it feels like a noose around my neck. I think maybe it would’ve been better if you hated me.”

 

“Do not make me into some fucked up heroine who sacrificed herself,” she said angrily.

 

“But…”

 

“No! I wasn’t. I’m not! Look, Jensen, one of the reasons I couldn’t stay or even speak to you for a while after it happened is because I wouldn’t have been nice. I would’ve been so cruel to you, and yeah, maybe you deserved it at the time, but not now you don’t. It makes me ashamed… the things I thought, the way I felt.”

 

“You had every right,” Jensen sputtered. Danni had done nothing wrong, how could she feel this way?

 

“We can talk, hang out with our friends together, be at the same parties, and it’s different from what it was before because it has to be. But… we’re okay like this. Right?” She didn’t sound so sure of herself now and it hit him once again that Danneel may be a strong woman, but she has a vulnerability to her. And now it was his turn to man up.

 

“We’re more than okay,” he said quietly. “When you find the right guy, he’s gonna get down on his knees and kiss those pretty little feet of yours because he’ll know how lucky he is to have you.” She giggled just like he wanted her to and it made him grin.

 

“And if not, you and Jared will beat some sense into him.”

 

“Bet your ass we will,” Jensen said, only half joking. She had dated a few guys, but nothing serious yet. He knew she was being very cautious, not wanting to risk getting hurt again. He didn’t want to see that either.

 

Jared came in then, still talking quietly to the dogs as they led him to their bowls for food in the small utility room off of the kitchen. 

 

“Thank you for telling me,” Danni said and he could hear the smile in her voice. “I know you don’t always believe this, Jensen, but you are a decent and kind man. I don’t regret our relationship.”

 

“I wish I would’ve been honest with you from the start.”

 

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Me too.”

 

They were quiet for a few moments, lost in other things they regretted, and he turned to see Jared leaning in the doorway of the utility room watching him.

 

“You should come up sometime and see the house,” Jensen offered.

 

“Maybe, if I’m ever headed that way,” she hedged.

 

“You don’t need an excuse. If you want to come, you should,” Jensen said, his eyes looking for confirmation from his boyfriend. Jared nodded and gave him a reassuring smile.

 

“Maybe,” she said again, but her voice was more cheerful, lighter. “Send me pictures, though. Lots of them. I want to see. Okay?”

 

“We have a shitload of them,” he said with a laugh. “Jared’s already started a scrapbook. We’ll email them to you later today.”

 

“Good,” she said softly. “I’ve got some errands to run, but we’ll talk again soon, yeah?”

 

“Definitely,” he promised.

 

“Take care, and tell Jared hello.”

 

“He says the same.”

 

“Bye bye.”

 

“Bye.”

 

He pushed the button to disconnect the call. Ending conversations was still awkward between them. When they were married, and even before when they were dating, it was always ‘I love you’ sprinkled with a lot endearments like ‘babe’ and ‘sweetie’. Now it was like a big ball of strange and it was sitting in the pit of his stomach making him feel a bit nauseous.

 

“Hey,” Jared said, crowding into his space, backing him into the counter, taking the phone out of his hand and setting it down. “You know what I think?”

 

Jensen arched his brow to let him know exactly how he felt about that endeavor, but it didn’t deter Jared in the least. 

 

“I think we need to get busy christening each room in the house.”

 

“Master bedroom’s taken care of, then.”

 

“That one doesn’t count,” Jared scoffed, doing a slow grind of his hips into Jensen’s.

 

“Fucking in the bedroom doesn’t count?”

 

“No, ’cause that’s where normal people do it.”

 

“And clearly we aren’t normal.”

 

For an answer Jared nuzzled his lips against Jensen’s neck. “You smell good,” Jared said, sliding his tongue against Jensen’s skin. “Taste even better.”

 

“I got something tastier waitin’ for you.”

 

Jared pulled back, his eyes heavy lidded with a sexy smirk filled with promise before he dropped to his knees. Even after all this time of being together, Jensen could go from soft to rock hard in seconds when Jared did this. Jared got off on sucking cock, and he was fucking fantastic at it. Jared would blow him at the drop of a hat and although Jensen was more than willing to return the favor, he wasn’t as good at it as Jared was. Jensen made up for it many other various and talented ways that left them both exhausted and satisfied.

 

“Remember the first time we did this?” Jared asked as he popped the button free on Jensen’s jeans.

 

Jensen snorted. “I lasted, like, two seconds. You barely had your mouth around my dick. Not my finest moment.”

 

Jared slowly, carefully unzipped Jensen’s pants before looking up. “That was only ’cause it had been almost six months of foreplay between us. I came in my underwear with just your leg pressing against me. I’m surprised we lasted that long.”

 

“You were a tremendous flirt.”

 

“You had that stupid ‘no fucking your co-star’ rule. I had to coax you out of that. You can be a stubborn son of a bitch, you know,” Jared said as he slid Jensen’s jeans down his thighs.

 

“And you’re a persuasive bastard,” Jensen said with more fondness than heat as he cupped his hand around the back of Jared’s neck.

 

“Aren’t you glad I am?”

 

Jensen’s ‘yes’ came out more like a hiss as Jared licked a hot, wet stripe up his shaft then swallowed him down, never taking his eyes off Jensen’s. Jensen felt captured by those beautiful hazel eyes, and it was more than the hot wave of pleasure that was overtaking him. It was the knowledge unspooling inside him that it wasn’t only Danni that had saved him from himself. It had been Jared, too. 

 

A sudden desperation had him pushing Jared away and he only had enough time to see the confusion in his lover’s eyes for a moment before Jensen joined him on his knees and kissed him deeply. Jensen couldn’t touch him enough, his hands sliding over his arms, his back, into his hair.

 

“Jen,” Jared said, pulling away, his hands framing Jensen’s face, thumbs brushing tears away that Jensen hadn’t even realized were there. “What is it?”

 

“Thank you,” he whispered, unable to say it as strongly as he wanted. “For loving me.”

 

Jared’s eyes moved over his face, as if he were searching for something. “I can’t help myself.”

 

He knew they hurt people, went about things all wrong, but now they had it right and what more could anyone ask for? He’d been given a second chance and wasn’t about to spoil it. And he felt that noose ease from around his neck, maybe even fall to the ground.

 

~end~


End file.
